A very different time of my life

keke, sorry blog, neglected you for awhile. I have been thinking lately what I really want in life? sometimes it seems difficult to even get an answer from myself. Lately, I want to be able to inspire others, and empower others to believe in what they are doing. Someone suggested going for Coaching or Training as a career, which I would want to look into.

For a very long time, I always feel I am useless, only can see others success and don't believe that I can do it too. I am still learning to believe in myself. Too long a denial has cause where I am at in my life. I got to learn from my mistakes.

Time for bed..~~~~~still down with a cold.. *cough**

Relationships and Affinity

For the past few days, something has been bothering me. Since Aug, after I became single again, looking around me, it was friends who got married and have kids, or friends or families that was engaged or attached, frankly speaking, my first thought was "lonely". I started to observe myself since then. I became resentful for the fact that "Am I not worth anyone love at all?". This thought grew further which affected my self-esteem altogether. For a while, I was looking and thinking in my own perspective, my point of views, and I forgot to consult someone????? Who is it?

God. What is God's intention? What is God telling me? I think I sort of work out what is going on. Firstly, I am not a victim or the weak one in this situation, God haven't sent the right person because God would like me to cultivate deeper spiritually so that the person can walk this path with me together, in order to have a safe and smooth sailing for the lifetime. Now God gives me more time to redeem myself, and to learn about what it means to be OPEN and SINCERE to my environment and have Great Faith in thee.

What does it mean to be OPEN and SINCERE? It's all in the doing and feeling it happen in the heart level. Embracing comments from others, embracing myself good and bad, loving each person for who they really are. Let God's love flow through my heart and enter into my mum, sister, bro in law, my bro, and my friends and other relatives. Every step I take, I will feel my heart beat and fill with joy. And I remember my mission in life and also who I really am before I was born to earth. God constantly speak through others to remind me to go home, where the true heart live, where the conscience stays, as it's the heart and conscience that will be the torch light that will guide me and shine my path so that I know where I am going.

Dear God,
I thank you for today's reflection, I'm sorry I have not done significant reflection lately, and that explain why my spiritual growth was minimum. The more I want to serve you, the more resistant I got, just because I use a conditional heart to serve you. God, please also shine the path for the one who is meant for me, as I have so much joy in my heart, and my life to share with him. God Bless.

XOXOX Shazzaaaaaa...

Working at a Call centre Outbound - my experience

I started temping for Customer Service Consultant at the CPM contact centre for 3 weeks. One day in average I need to make 120 calls including CALL BACKs. It's quite interesting, the program we are promoting and selling is "SPC Goulburn Valley Fruit Tub" promoting healthy eating and lifestyle amongst Primary school children, it's kinda interesting because infact there's some sort of preservatives in the fruit tub to preserve the taste, therefore how healthy can you be. But anyway, I had a school that told me about their reasons for no participating, I kinda wanna share it here. The principal of a school in Northern Territory (Alice Spring) said, "Our school grows organic produces behind our garden where it's enough to supply the community and the kids to have organic fruits and vegies. ORGANIC.. !! halo.. Fruit Tub.. which is more healthy? That's obvious right, so I couldn't agree more, thereby, just thank him for his time, and encourage him to continue promoting organics. Calling schools in the morning is the most challenging time, the teachers are busy putting the kids to classes, having photo shoots, having meetings, ... and I always have to call back in the afternoon. :) but it's still cool anymore. :) I watch my heart throughout the day, how I feel and think while I talk to them, before I talk to them, or even after I made my caller number 99th. I kept telling myself, every phone call is your 1st caller. Not easy, but it's my goal.

What I think about blogging

Never thought Blogging could have an effect on my life changing process at all, didn't think it could actually happen. I used to think Blogging was such a waste of time. Now I realised that it's a form of communication with myself, my soul. I expressed it via writing and through what I wrote, I get to know myself better everytime. I started with nothing to write, not even sure whether it will be relevant to the readers of my blog, think too much you know.. so in the end always write things that are very general that is not to the heart level, if you know what I mean. I write my blog every night before I tuck myself to bed, writing a short reflection of the day, and telling myself to continue to keep walking, until I reach my goal. I have a very good friend who wrote a comment, encouraging me today. I felt very happy because it was there when I needed it. love everyone~

Recovery on the way

Today, my friend had a fight with her boyfriend again, and though she mentioned she doesn't want to burden me with her misery, but I was still keen to stand by her and listen. I felt maybe I didn't get to solve her problem, however, I can only share with her my silly jokes and listen to her heart felt feelings. I know at some point in the relationship she was very conditional over him, but it's not up to me to mention it to her, I hinted her, so it depends whether she gets it or not. She tried to change him, and hope he can be what she wants, which I feel it's the mistakes of all mankind in the entire Universe. We all know we shouldn't be there to change someone for the sake of changing, it's what make love so conditional. Nonetheless, not everyone can see his own blindspots, no matter in terms of love, work or family/friends. There's a saying from the Buddha scriptures, "The path to Hell is full of good intentions, the path to Heaven is full of actions with good intentions" How true is that, we always identify people's intention to be good, but when it comes to actions, it's entirely opposite, and they wonder why miscommunication happens. With my relationship with Jeff, I feel we have helped each other to handle the situation quite well. Though it always feel our relationship is still there, however it's still different now. God bless both of us.

Some of my favourite shots

Times flies but memories will prevail. ....

A Period of courage and self-believe

For all these while since I left Auspac, it had been a unknown factor for my future career path, though I took a high risk and work for my supplier, but after 2 years, the operation cease due to several reasons. After 4 years of working experiences, I came down to zero again. struggling to stand on my feet, after looking for jobs for 3 months, I finally got a temporary job for less than a month in a call centre. I guess this is just a reflection of my uncertainty of where I want to head to in my career. still in the mode of comtemplation. And also I'm learning to self-believe that I actually can do it..... to be continued.